Tuesday, January 11, 2011

In Which The Devolutionist Decides One Trip To Tucson Was Enough For A Lifetime

This was not a good weekend in the madhouse and anger chamber that is America.  Your Devolutionist, as is his wont, spent too much time in front of his computer following the events in Tucson and the ensuing finger-pointing in the blogosphere that seems to have only slightly abated at this moment, some 79 hours after the shooting.

The Devolutionist has no desire to rehash Saturday's events here. Already millions of words have been written about it, and he's probably read most of them.  Also written a few himself, on various blogs and websites, mostly countering the right-wing assholes desperate to deny that any of their increasingly hysterical rhetoric over the last couple of years could have in any way influenced a mentally unbalanced person and reinforced his rage until he snapped. No, certainly not.

Then one reads stories like this and wonders about the freak-out America would have if fourteen decapitated bodies were dumped at a shopping center in, say, Daytona Beach, and becomes grateful all over to live in America, as sick as some of the people here may be.

Years ago your road-trippin' Devolutionist spent a weekend in Tucson, tagging along with a friend who wanted to watch his Australian pen pals perform dance routines, accompanied by a rock guitarist who played his shows while wearing a motorcycle helmet complete with dark visor, during a roller derby match (don't ask.)  Tucson was a nice town, a sleepy college burg with some cool bars and restaurants and blonde sorority girls who all looked mostly the same.  The place was supposed to usually be hot as hell during the day, but it didn't seem so bad.

Still, driving into town one night from the suburban house where we stayed, a rabbit darted out in front of the car.  The Devolutionist hit the brakes and felt a thump.  We got out and looked around and could not find the bunny, so we assumed it had survived.  Relating the story a few weeks later back in L.A., another friend suggested it probably hopped off into the bushes to die.  This seemed ominous.  And Arizona has only seemingly gotten crazier over the last few years.

So sorry, Tucson.  You are a lovely place and you will survive this.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

In Which The Devolutionist Enjoys Memories of Watching Willy Wonka While Stoned

Oompa Loompa-American John Boehner is now Speaker of the House. Finally, a victory for creamsicle-colored people in their long struggle against discrimination.

Jobs for everyone are sure to soon follow, as promised.

Monday, January 3, 2011

In Which The Devolutionist Faces a New Year With His Customary Grace

Your Devolutionist does not believe in New Year's resolutions.  Why does a person need the artificial stimulation  of an essentially arbitrary division of time to accomplish tasks he has been too lazy to accomplish before?  When a person actually accomplishes these tasks, then he can pat himself on the back.

The tasks always turn out to be so important they should exist outside the framework of a social construct.  Exercising more?  Good advice in general.  Get finances in order?  Why aren't they already?  Drink less?  Never a resolution your Devolutionist could endorse.  If you drink enough that not drinking is a resolution, you might need to get to a meeting.  Stop moping over past heartbreaks?  Your mental health depends on it, so if you've been moping for six months or a year or even longer, you shouldn't need a change in the calendar to motivate you to get over it.

But (there is always a but) your lazy Devolutionist does struggle himself with certain dictates of living this long-ass life.  He quit exercising in July in order to rest a sore toe and often-stiff lower back, and after more than five months has not gone back to the gym, even though L.A. Fitness still deducts $29.99 from the old checking account every month.  So making time to work out again is high on the priority list.

Also on the list: working harder.  There have been too many mornings of lazing around drinking coffee and surfing the net instead of writing, cleaning, sending out resumes and cover letters, just to name a few unconsummated activities.  So eliminating a fair percentage of natural sloth is also on the to-do list.

Finally, this blog.  The Devolutionist has neglected it...has in fact barely touched the damn thing over the course of 2010.  For a masturbatory outlet, he prefers actual masturbation.  But the blog began with the intention of being an outlet for mental masturbation, and that is at least as important to keep the writing muscles warm and shapely as physical workouts are for the body.  So the resolution from this day going forward for the blog: write more entries even if many, many of them are utter crap.