Monday, May 2, 2011

In Which the Devolutionist Receives a Fan Letter!

That's right, fan mail!  Written in response to my latest book review on Amazon, which can be found here.

Someone named Neal Warth did not agree with the review:
One candid question, Devo: do you masturbate reading your own writing? You write like a wannabe, so I'm figuring there's a heavy fantasy angle to your efforts here. Do you daydream of someday actually writing something insightful and persuasive?
You wound me, sir.  Are you saying that Andrew Breitbart is not a latter-day Andy Kaufman?  Please show the evidence in your possession that invalidates my thesis!

Also, Amazon deleted Neal's comment almost immediately.  Do you have any idea what a shithead you have to be to write something that even Amazon won't allow?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

In Which The Devolutionist Writes A Book Review

First, however, let me say: so much for my non-resolution resolutions.

But yes, your Ink-Stained Wretch of a Devolutionist reviewed a book on Amazon for the first time in his life (you thought perhaps he'd written something for a professional publication?  HAHAHAHAHA!) The review is here, along with comments, and it is sublimely ridiculous.  The writing of this review came about as an exercise to overcome writer's block one afternoon, and also to excise some of my annoyance at the daily fusillade of ridiculous bullshit that assaults me whenever I scan headlines on Google News.

The Devolutionist thought it self-evident that this review was essentially absurd but that did not stop the troglodytes from popping out of the woodwork.  There are some moments where "the shit gets real," as the kids say, when your reviewer posited in a roundabout way that the author's motivation for writing this book came from some deep-seated racial angst.  It is this thesis that the troglodytes take issue with, but that is to be expected.  Your Devolutionist takes it as a given that much of the animosity towards President Obama stems from some deep-seated prejudicial attitudes towards and resentment of folks with dark skin; the history of race's influence on Americans is simply too extensive and deeply rooted in our shared history to not affect views of the country's first black president. Racial stereotypes work on us in ways we cannot even imagine.

For the record, your Devolutionist is a white guy in his mid-30s.  He has no problem with affirmative action and thinks people who whine about these things because they feel threatened should get over it already.

Anyway, give the review a read.  It's a short hop from here to the literature section of the New Yorker!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

In Which The Devolutionist Decides One Trip To Tucson Was Enough For A Lifetime

This was not a good weekend in the madhouse and anger chamber that is America.  Your Devolutionist, as is his wont, spent too much time in front of his computer following the events in Tucson and the ensuing finger-pointing in the blogosphere that seems to have only slightly abated at this moment, some 79 hours after the shooting.

The Devolutionist has no desire to rehash Saturday's events here. Already millions of words have been written about it, and he's probably read most of them.  Also written a few himself, on various blogs and websites, mostly countering the right-wing assholes desperate to deny that any of their increasingly hysterical rhetoric over the last couple of years could have in any way influenced a mentally unbalanced person and reinforced his rage until he snapped. No, certainly not.

Then one reads stories like this and wonders about the freak-out America would have if fourteen decapitated bodies were dumped at a shopping center in, say, Daytona Beach, and becomes grateful all over to live in America, as sick as some of the people here may be.

Years ago your road-trippin' Devolutionist spent a weekend in Tucson, tagging along with a friend who wanted to watch his Australian pen pals perform dance routines, accompanied by a rock guitarist who played his shows while wearing a motorcycle helmet complete with dark visor, during a roller derby match (don't ask.)  Tucson was a nice town, a sleepy college burg with some cool bars and restaurants and blonde sorority girls who all looked mostly the same.  The place was supposed to usually be hot as hell during the day, but it didn't seem so bad.

Still, driving into town one night from the suburban house where we stayed, a rabbit darted out in front of the car.  The Devolutionist hit the brakes and felt a thump.  We got out and looked around and could not find the bunny, so we assumed it had survived.  Relating the story a few weeks later back in L.A., another friend suggested it probably hopped off into the bushes to die.  This seemed ominous.  And Arizona has only seemingly gotten crazier over the last few years.

So sorry, Tucson.  You are a lovely place and you will survive this.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

In Which The Devolutionist Enjoys Memories of Watching Willy Wonka While Stoned

Oompa Loompa-American John Boehner is now Speaker of the House. Finally, a victory for creamsicle-colored people in their long struggle against discrimination.

Jobs for everyone are sure to soon follow, as promised.

Monday, January 3, 2011

In Which The Devolutionist Faces a New Year With His Customary Grace

Your Devolutionist does not believe in New Year's resolutions.  Why does a person need the artificial stimulation  of an essentially arbitrary division of time to accomplish tasks he has been too lazy to accomplish before?  When a person actually accomplishes these tasks, then he can pat himself on the back.

The tasks always turn out to be so important they should exist outside the framework of a social construct.  Exercising more?  Good advice in general.  Get finances in order?  Why aren't they already?  Drink less?  Never a resolution your Devolutionist could endorse.  If you drink enough that not drinking is a resolution, you might need to get to a meeting.  Stop moping over past heartbreaks?  Your mental health depends on it, so if you've been moping for six months or a year or even longer, you shouldn't need a change in the calendar to motivate you to get over it.

But (there is always a but) your lazy Devolutionist does struggle himself with certain dictates of living this long-ass life.  He quit exercising in July in order to rest a sore toe and often-stiff lower back, and after more than five months has not gone back to the gym, even though L.A. Fitness still deducts $29.99 from the old checking account every month.  So making time to work out again is high on the priority list.

Also on the list: working harder.  There have been too many mornings of lazing around drinking coffee and surfing the net instead of writing, cleaning, sending out resumes and cover letters, just to name a few unconsummated activities.  So eliminating a fair percentage of natural sloth is also on the to-do list.

Finally, this blog.  The Devolutionist has neglected it...has in fact barely touched the damn thing over the course of 2010.  For a masturbatory outlet, he prefers actual masturbation.  But the blog began with the intention of being an outlet for mental masturbation, and that is at least as important to keep the writing muscles warm and shapely as physical workouts are for the body.  So the resolution from this day going forward for the blog: write more entries even if many, many of them are utter crap.